inFINITE Fate

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call? If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all? I never know what the future brings But I know you're here with me now We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife? I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this **much** is true We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my l

I don't want to be a dream. I am not a dream. I am flesh and blood, a being with emotions, feelings, dreams, and ambitions. I am not a fantasy. I do not belong to a fairy tale world where everything is happy and perfect. I am not a mere character from a movie or music. I am more than the tracks and the voice. I am who I am. I am real, living in a real world, living a real life. I am not perfect, I am not the best. But I am pretty sure, I am myself. It's too late now.

My greatest fear is to grow old going home in an empty house, with no one to greet me and ask how my day went by. I shudder at the thought of myself at age 40, sleeping alone on my bed with only my pillows and blanket to comfort and accompany me through the night. It terrifies me to think about waking up every single day with no one beside me. I came close to making this fear irrelevant for a number of times now in my life. And for an equal number of times, I failed. It's not that I'm not used to being alone. As a matter of fact, I have been alone for quite a long time now. Going home to an empty house is nothing new to me. But that doesn't mean I like this life. I simply want to have someone to grow old with. Someone who understands me and would accept me for who I am. Someone whom I could talk with for endless hours without noticing how much time has passed. Someone who would be more than my friend, my lover, my companion. I want to grow old with my soulmate.

The more time we spend with the wrong person is less time spent with the right one. The problem is, how can we know who the right person is? Is it simply a matter of what we feel? And once we have found the right one, are we strong enough to stand by that person?

You mean to me words can never define You gave me something my heart is missing I may not be yours, and you are not mine, This bond that we share, no one else can bring. You are my sun when the weather's stormy. You are the science beyond all the art. With that sweet voice and smile you've captured me. With love and care you have stolen my heart. As the end draws near, as we part our ways There's nothing more I can wish in this life Than to freeze this moment, keep still these days With you and me as sweet husband and wife. Infinite Fate Sonnet XI

Ngayong gabi, sa kalangitang balot ng makapal na ulap, Saan napupunta ang liwanag ng buwan? Ngayong gabi, sino ang nakayakap sa yo? O ika'y mag-isa, umiiyak sa kadiliman? Ngayong gabi, kung ang buwan ay nakatago pa rin, Tayo'y maghintay at maghintay hanggang mahawi ang mga ulap. Ngayong gabi, sa pagtingala mo sa kalangitan, Nakikita mo na ba ang buwan?

Would you stay, knowing that your presence hurts the person that you love? Or would you leave to keep her away from that pain and hope that she would recover? It's not really the physical act of leaving that is critical. The more important and more difficult part is parting emotionally. Is it advisable? Is it even doable? The sad part is whichever one chooses, pain is a necessary side-effect. More than the pain to one's self, it is the pain to that person that becomes unthinkable, unbearable.